I'm going to be a daddy

:)

Another Day, Another Bad Dollar

Everyday seems to be a day to live. Or try to live actually. In fact, it seems as if we have made ourselves into slaves.... to ourselves. But it's not to 'ourselves', it's to the ones who benefit. From the ones who created it, all those years ago.... Money is the bane of this world, and of human kind. Nothing, especially not labor, should be worth 'a small paper bill'. It's sad really, and now it's not even that, most of everything is done digitally. Banking is crazy, debt to our country has destroyed us... maybe for now? What is going to happen? Is this the starting of the 'End of Days'? Who knows... All I know is that we are fucking destroying everything. We create ruin, we are ruin. Only with time will come change, and only with will can change be achieved.

On a side note: I've been doing well... if this is what you want anyways. Can't wait for JEss to finally arrive on the plane for the last time... And knowing that she can stay and will never have to go back. Just :) brings a smile on me face :) Love her <3


Anyways, tell me what you think! That is, if you think anything....

Zippity doo-da

Computers broken... need a new one. Jess is leaving soon :( It'll just be a bit apart but I hope its not to hard.
Almost off probation, its all paid off... things are going well I imagine.

<3

Time to shut down

So, I hear of this "government shut down" and think.... "About time" This visa is doin mny head in. I mean, we sent it out and got it back a week later stating we did not have the right amount... They don't give you the amount either, they say to look on the website. Well the fucking website says $350, and that's what we sent... but nope! So after a few hours or so of searching, Jess found out that it might be $340 instead... Why don't they just take the $10 and send us back a check? I dunno, now we have to go send it back, after getting a new one. This'll be fun -.-

This government is total crap. Everyone sees it too, I think it's pretty pathetic that people still just let the government win. When are we going to do something about it? I dunno... 

Another brick in the wall

Things are going great. Garden is coming along very nicely, and work is becoming 'easier' and faster. Paid off my probation (fully next week) and I'm going to try and get off early. Got to save up money for a flight, and pass port to fly over to Jess and check out England for a bit. (Amsterdam, London, Greece ;) ) can't wait! Uhhh my damn laptop charger stopped working... which sucks because I have a bunch of shit on it that i gotta get off -.- yay more to do. Probably just save for a new one.....

Played guitar the other day at Guitar Center... Fucking hate Guitar Center :( not really :P But yea it was a kickass time.Things are going great, I got the oils for our rings and we can start doing them... Carving designs into them and inlaying crush up rocks for color/pattern effects.... They are going to look great, but I may need to get a new size even though the guy says just throw a couple coats of laquer on... We'll see.

Been working a bunch... Kind of glad the laptops dead now I cant get on and check my email and do wasteless things on it.

Burned and Battered

So, things are going very well lately. I've been working with my landlord at one of his businesses and he loves me, should have my probation payed off within a few weeks. My next goal is to get my license and a vehicle so I can continue to work at this place.

Got intensely burned (sun burned) out on the lake yesterday, was a great fucking time though! Had a blast, also I jumped off about a 40' cliff swing into the lake so I have crossed that off my list of things to do before my death...

Today I was so tired but I went out and worked and de-forested a small chunk of land, but then the chainsaw broke and had to stop :(

The garden is going amazingly well. I'm so happy :) Things are finally on the upside for the time being, I hope this coaster stays in the air for a bit, at least until I am free and able to live my life.

Anyways, I know no one really reads this :P But that's ok :) It'll be nice to look back and remember these times in a few years :)

Love my fiance Jessica, and can't wait to go visit her in England.

Lovely, peacefully, and respectfully,
Kevyn.

Today I had a thought...

The most random thought came into my head around 10 minutes ago... All of this talk about 2012 from people... all these thoughts, guesses, 'truths'..... I wonder why this thought entered my head....
The thought is: What if something does happen, what if those who have awaken, and opened their eyes, what if they continue living. And what if, those who don't want to, or are to blind to, also continue living.... But each in their own separate worlds, 'realities' that are the exact same at the time of split, then changes through time.

This thought opened up another thought, what if that is what is happening constantly? What if every thought, is just a different part of another 'reality' that clashed with this one. And as thoughts are not affected by light, then they do not clash in with our 'reality'....

What if every time you think, you split into another world/phase that follows along with this one as well with different actions performed, or a different thought came upon.



Anyways, back I go into my cave. Please post your thoughts.

Moulding up the inside

The interface of time, betwixt behind the front of desire, is what we all know, what we 'believe'. We believe in time, therefore it is our 'reality'. We are creatures of light, all of us, there is no real evil. No bad. Only views upon through the eyes of the self.

There is no space, we generate space through our eyes from the light which reflects and travels through. What is this space? Is it a different 'world' where light doesn't effect? Is it just simply what we perceive it as?

When you see things as they truly are: trillions and trillions of very small -things- all coming together as they do to create our world. Only upon observation, do things affected by light, show themselves to us.

What is vision? What are thoughts?


Hope to hear some comments about this post! I'm curious to peoples ideas.

Projections of an early race

So, found out I owe a lot more money than I thought. So now I'm in the process of job searching (harder this time).Things are going smoothly at the moment now though, hopefully getting a new matress from Zakk and Nikki. So that'll be awesome.

Hope things turn out well. Much love <3

A new step

Jess and I are wanting to get into a nice rhythm of exercising every other day or so.

I am switching my meditating time as well, from whenever I felt like it, to right after I water my garden. Even if I only meditate for 10-15 minutes, it is still helpful.


Anyways, sorry for not updating very often, been pretty busy.

Also, if anyone has any topics they wish to talk/debate/ask/or anything else, me about then please comment and lets talk!

It's Jess'es birthday today

:) And we are just hanging out all day. Went to get breakfast at Cosmo's, and now we are drinking and laying in bed :)

Urraggghh

Sorry, it's been awhile since I've blogged. Been busy, Jess is here now and trying to spend time with her.

The garden is doing very well, and my meditation is coming along.... just wish I could do it more often than I do.

Anyways, just updating letting everyone know I'm still around! :)

Peace and love.

Day 6: The Everchanging Lands

Last night was the first meditation time I've had in awhile. It went very well too!

My new technique to clear my mind is to form pictures in my head during each breath. I figured it out last night (really this morning) and it really seems to be the way for me to go. I'll continue practicing with it and report back soon!

The demon within

So.... It's been quite awhile before I updated. The reason is I just have not been in a good place. Something always seems to happen every single day to bring me down, and I don't know why. I can't even concentrate on meditating every day.....

Jess comes on the 31st... I can't wait to see her... wish she would feel the same though...

I've noticed, in my 22 years of life, that life definitely comes in ups and downs, like a rollarcoaster... I've had a shitty past few months, then a big 'YAY', and now it's time to start the big shit kicker again... The choices one makes everyday effects the way their life will turn out for the rest of their lives, so in a sense, there are limitless possabilities. I'd like to think that one day will come where all I have to worry about is staying warm, and gathering food for my family.... the thought that its so far away scares me...

I do like posting on this blog though, even if no one reads it, as it helps me control my thoughts and read them to myself.

Sometimes I just wish I was crazy, or wasn't...

Fortuna

So today I meditated while building a fire... Great times :) wasn't exactly full meditation, just slow concentration halting my thoughts. I can't wait for Jess to get here and then we can go camping out there. It's sooooo beautiful. I love nature. Oh! So the rapture didn't happen, so this must mean, according to some crazy people, that the world is going to end on Oct 21....

(Wonder when they are gonna set off their nuke :P)

Anyways, I've been kinda slacking on the full meditation. But will start it again this week. Its actually pretty hard to just sit there and do nothing. ;)

Day 4/5: The darkness

So I woke last night to a blackout... no electricity at all on the whole block I guess. Anyways, I tried to do some meditating, and it helped. Calmed my nerves and drifted me back into sleep, which I enjoyed.

Today was hell... woke up and timed my self to get to my PO early. Turns out they don't run the bus that shuttles near my place because school isn't in session.... So I just walked the rest of the way. Got a foot long sub for $2.19 or something though! (Thanks Nikki). So I get to town, have to run to the bank, bank teller is slow because well they upgraded my account without asking me... I said whatever, withdrew my PO money and came in 30 minutes late to a new PO. Well, turns out I have a new NEW PO.... but they were cool, and I got everything paid off and cool. So I hope back on the bus, get off at the place, then head back home. 5 hrs later :)

Anyways, I did some slight meditation today, but will do some tonight as well, and I think tomorrow I might go back outside and do it, I'm not sure though....

Anyways, thanks everyone for reading!

Day 4: The Twilight

Today, well more specifically tonight, I will be doing my first meditation right be I goto sleep. To see how, if it does, alter how easy/hard it is to get into a dream-like state.

Anyways, just wanted to keep you updated, I am reporting it tomorrow along with tomorrows blog.

Thanks for reading.

Day 3: The Full Lotus

Well today was eventful. I woke up early, shaved, took a shower, and went outside to practice my meditation. Last night a friend of mine told me about Zen Meditation, so I looked into it... And it helped me quite a bit I must say. Today I went out on the porch, and sat in the full lotus (this is what I normally sit in, but now I know it's name) and closed my eyes, counted my inhales and exhales.

One thing I recognized was my ability to think beyond my thoughts. I would be thinking "One, Two, Three, Four..." and beyond those thoughts would be the slight recognition of other thoughts. I got so far as to ask myself why do I need to be so perfect when I'm just beginning? I followed the thought and concluded that of course it will take some time. Today I got up to 8 as the highest counted number. I do think I may have gotten higher, as I started just not counting and focusing on the light beyond my eyes as I inhaled, and the darkness it turned into while I exhaled.

After awhile I opened my eyes, felt clarity in my view, and took a drink of water. I then proceeded to meditate while I had my eyes open concentrating on a single plant just beyond the fence line. While I was going deeper and loosing more thought, I started to notice that the world was beginning to close around me, and getting blurry. This was my eyes closing I've come to realize, and eventually I fell back into having my eyes closed while meditating... It was truly weird, almost like I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open... but I wasn't even trying. I couldn't try, they just kept closing.

Eventually I got uncomfortable, with the wind blowing in the cold air, along with the full lotus position, and decided to stop. As I was unfolding.... OUCH... I definitely need to practice this more.

Today was very nice and eventful, I won't go into the details of my visions, as they were just flashes and patterns, but today was successful as I noticed a few things; my thoughts beyond thoughts (even more beyond them a few times), the light and darkness of the inhale/exhale, as well as the definite need to get a pillow to raise my body up and a soft material under my legs.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned!

End of all days?

So, I've heard and read about so many different thoughts on all these dates... Oct 28th 2011, Dec 21, 2012, May 21, 2011, Oct 21, 2011... I'm wondering what everyones thoughts on these dates are.

If you haven't heard of some well let me explain them:

Oct 28, 2011. My guess would be few people have heard of this date. This is supposed to be the final day of the 9th wave of consciousness. For those of you who haven't heard this, or don't quite understand it. I've provided a link here. My personal thoughts about this date? I like it, I take it as the final evolution of consciousness, where we will have global recognition of a universal consciousness in all living things, including; the Earth and the Universe around us.

Dec 21, 2012. This is the one most people have at least heard something of. The End of the Mayan calender, when the world will end, when there will be global mass consciousness, and many, many, to many to list, of other speculations, guesses, and thoughts. My personal thoughts on it? I think it's a load. The Mayan calender was not measuring time like we do, they were not running a continuous never ending line structure that we have today, there were running a cycle-type calender. What where they graphing though? Was it a graph of life? Was is a graph of consciousness and thought? Maybe it is a graph of technological advancement?

May 21, and Oct 21 of 2011 are both intertwined. I actually just learned of them today, you can find the link here. It's supposedly when Christ comes back to Earth and 'saves' them on May 21, and Oct 21 is supposed to be the start of the apocalypse or the end of days? I'm not sure as I find this all a money-making scam. Thats all my thoughts on the subject as well: a money making scam.

I know this is a little off topic of the blog (but I'll have many more that do not correlate directly with meditation, the ones that do correlate with meditation will be labeled [Day #]) I just wanted peoples inputs or views and personal honest opinions about these dates.

Day 2: An uneventful past

Today was not as eventful behind the eyes. Very few flashes. I don't know if this is a bad thing, as I was able to keep my mind clear for longer periods of time. I also noticed that I became incredibly calm, almost as if I was dosed up with some kind of pain killer/muscle relaxer... I still feel this calmness about me. I came up with my own mantra as well:

I am me.
I am good.
I can change my life.
For the betterment of my life.
I am you.
You are me.
We are one.

I repeat this over and over, saying each line in my head during my exhale.
After about 5 minutes of meditation, listening only to my fan and concentrating on my breathing, is when I became very calm. After this I remembered that I wanted to try binaural beats... I'm not sure they added anything other than distracting sound over my own thoughts. I will probably try these again in the future, but at this point in time I believe they take away from my concentration.

Day 1: Beginning Meditation

So I have to admit that although this is the start of my daily routine of meditating, I have been learning to control  my thoughts and mind in my everyday life. I do this by concentrating on one thing, and then slowly concentrate on silence. If my mind begins to wonder, I quickly start concentrating on one thing again, and repeat the process.

Today I started the meditation at around 1:45. It is 2:26 now, and I must say I think I've progressed. I can now fully visualize light. Imagine, if you will, a black surface, and on this surface there is different shades of darkness. At this moment these shades of dark appear to be random; they change, they flash, they move, they wiggle, they disappear, they come closer... all at seemingly randomness.

I did get the chance to view a tunnel like hole, with infinite blackness in it; however, I did not get to explore it more as it was there for only a split second. I was able to control my breathing, and concentrate on it a lot easier, but tomorrow I think I will do it with binaural beats in my earphones. Binaural beats are specific sounds designed to effect different brain waves, and apparently, are supposed to help with deep style meditation.

I will admit that although it only felt like 10-15 minutes of meditating, it turned out to be close to 30-45 minutes. I'm happy with this day, and later tonight I will use meditation to try to bring me into a sleep so I can awake tomorrow bright and early for an interview I have. I will report tomorrow afternoon after I meditate, and if I end up falling into a trance tonight then I will report that as well.


Has anyone ever tried meditating? If so, what do you think of it? Does this sound like when you first started?

Thanks for reading.

Time to really start my meditation

I've been wanting to do this for awhile, but for some reason I just thought that I had better things to do. This stops today. An hour after I wake up I will begin the meditation, and continue until I feel content. Then I will report back my feelings and thoughts.